i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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