just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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