and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
