Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize