my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
