I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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