I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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