It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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