I wish I only lived at night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
