Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
