we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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