What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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