Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize