ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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