a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
