Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
