My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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