I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
