I accidentally had phone sex last night
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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