Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
