trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
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Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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