I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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