And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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