I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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