Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
