I think my fart just growled at me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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