I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
