I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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