you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
