There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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