once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
