You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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