Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He keeps bees of course he's weird
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
