my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
