i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
