We won't sleep together?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
