he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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