Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
