Just cropdusted the office
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
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Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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