I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize