Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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