just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
