I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
