apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I will be naked everywhere
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
