So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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