bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
