I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's rum buckets o'clock
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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