I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
