Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
