i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
