You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
