I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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