We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
