It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize