I faked an abortion last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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