Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
