I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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