Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
