Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
