Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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