Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
