Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
