They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
