saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
