i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
